If your spouse or partner has hesitations about any portion of the adoption process, try using this list to help find middle ground.

1. Acknowledge your spouse’s concerns and fears. Try to listen with interest, not judgement.

2. Air and discuss the differences between you and your opinions. Do not try to simply cover them up or smooth them over for the time being.

3. Don’t take your spouse or partner’s initial reaction as their final word on the topic. When someone is emotionally charged, people may say things they don’t entirely mean.

4. Give them time and space to consider issues as they arise. Though it may initially be difficult, you must recognize that people approach change and new ideas at different speeds.

5. Find a support group of families condiering adoption, or talk to a friend or family member that has already been through the process of adoption. Hearing that other people also have (or may have in the past) reservations can help all parties.

6. If your spouse or partner is not providing the support or encouragement you need to cope with the uneasy subject, talk to a friend or relative. A new perspective may give you new ideas as to how to approach the topic.

7. See a marriage counselor if you have a lot of trouble navigating these issues. A reluctant spouse may respond better to questions if they are posed by a neutral, third-party observer.

If you have any questions or concerns regarding adoption and what it may entail, please contact one of the Adoption Specialists at Adoptive Families for Children by calling (603) 228-6712, toll-free at (800) 940-4456, or by e-mailing [email protected]. There is no obligation.